내년에도 이 바지 입어도 될까요?
한 걸음을 떼면 달라지는 것들
인순이, 골든걸스 그리고 새로운 도전
1. 예기치 않은 시작
2023년 3월, 열린음악회 녹화 중 뜻밖의 제안을 받았다. 여가수 4명이 모여 예능 프로그램을 만든다는 것이었다. 하지만 나는 오랫동안 꿈꿨던 산티아고 순례길을 가기로 마음먹고 있었기에 거절했다. 놀랍게도 그들은 나를 기다리겠다고 했다.
산티아고에서 36일을 걸었고, 공항에 도착한 날 카메라맨들이 나를 기다리고 있었다. 그제야 실감했다. 정말로 나를 기다려준 것이었다. 그렇게 나는 기획자 박진영을 만나 "할게!"라고 덜컥 약속을 해버렸다.
2. 두려움과 마주하기
새로운 도전 앞에서 두려움이 몰려왔다.
"내가 따라가지 못하면 어쩌지?"
"민폐 끼치는 건 아닐까?"
이런 내면의 목소리와 싸워야 했다. 하지만 지금이 아니면 안 될 것 같았다. 떠나간 시간과 기회는 되돌릴 수 없으니까. 그래서 긴가민가하면 그냥 한 걸음을 뗐다.
3. 생각의 전환
결국, 내가 내린 결정의 결과는 나 스스로 감당해야 했다. 그래서 선택의 순간마다 스스로에게 질문했다.
- 내 머리가 옳고 그름을 분별할 수 있는가?
- 내 가슴이 뛰는가?
- 내 몸이 아직 버틸 수 있는가?
두려움을 맞서고 한 걸음을 떼면, 보이는 풍경이 달라졌다. 한 걸음을 떼야 그 뒤에 있는 것이 진짜 두려움인지, 아니면 핑계였는지 알 수 있었다.
4. 골든걸스로의 도전
골든걸스의 첫 미션은 'HYPE BOY'. 혼자 부르는 것이 아니라 네 명이 밸런스를 맞추면서 불러야 했다. 거기에 춤까지! 연습하면서 수십 번 자리를 바꾸고, 가사를 까먹고, 눈을 마주치는 것조차 어려웠다.
"누나, 이제는 눈 좀 마주치면서 해요!"
"알았어! ...어? 왜? 틀렸어?"
그렇게 당황하는 사이 노래는 끝나버렸다.
하지만 방법은 하나, 연습뿐이었다. "Good bye baby good bye" 퍼포먼스를 위해 30회를 쉬지 않고 반복했다. 연습 후 집에 가는데 머리를 만지자 땀이 주르륵 흘러내렸다. 노래 인생 45년 만에 처음 경험한 일이었다.
5. 박진영의 피드백
나는 데뷔할 때부터 큰 입, 강한 표정, 과감한 동작이 기본이었다. 그런데 박진영은 "입도 크게 벌리지 말고, 표정도 자연스럽게, 동작도 절제하라"고 했다.
내가 해온 것과 정반대였다.
하지만 시대는 변했고, 그를 믿었다. 누가 감히 나에게 조언을 하겠는가? 박진영의 피드백은 나의 틀을 깨주는 소중한 기회였다.
6. 무대의 짜릿함
골든걸스로 첫 무대에 선 순간, 마치 데뷔 때의 감정이 떠올랐다. 무대 뒤에서 "골든걸스 파이팅!"을 외치는 그 짜릿한 순간.
"만약 내가 두려움에 한 걸음도 떼지 않았다면?"
그렇다면 이 감정을 절대 느낄 수 없었을 것이다. 한 걸음을 떼는 것은, 내가 원하는 것을 볼 수 있는 시작이었다.
7. 또 다른 한 걸음 – 해밀학교와 동화책
나는 정체성의 혼란을 겪었던 사춘기를 보냈다. 그래서 다름으로 인해 힘들어하는 아이들을 돕고 싶어 해밀학교를 세웠다. 그리고 그 이야기를 동화책으로 전했다.
"해나야, 날개짓을 잘하는 것도 좋지만, 네가 누구인지 아는 것이 더 중요하단다."
한 걸음을 뗀다는 것은 나 자신이 특별한 존재임을 깨닫는 첫 시작이다.
8. 짧은 바지의 의미
골든걸스 무대에서 짧은 바지를 입었다. 콘서트에서도 마지막 곡에서는 꼭 입었다. 팬들에게도 늘 물어본다.
"내년에도 이 바지를 입어도 될까요?"
시간이 지나면 언젠가 못 입을 날이 오겠지만, 지금 할 수 있을 때 해야 한다. 한 걸음을 뗄 때마다 새로운 길이 열리니까.
마치며...
오늘 나에게, 요즘 나에게, 꼭 필요한 긍정의 메세지였다.
그녀가 종종 '행복하더라고요, 짜릿하더라고요' 이런 말을 하던데, 나도 요새 그런걸 느끼면서도 동시에 두렵다고 생각했었다.
오히려 자기도 다 계산해보고 무릎 상태도 체크 한 다음에도 하겠다곤 했다고, 그리고 기다려주시겠다고도 했다는 게 감동이었다.
인순이님께 짧은 바지가 있다면, 나는.... 편지쓰기를, 나눠주기를 그렇게 사실 좋아하는 것 같다. 내가 좋아하는 거 실컷 해야지 뭐. 그때가 가장 기쁘니까!ㅎㅎ
English ver.
A New Title: Golden Girls
Recently, the way people address me has changed.
"Insooni Ajumma?"
No, no, no.
What do you think they call me now?
Golden Girls!
With a combined singing career of 155 years, we’ve been through it all.
A New Challenge
I had a surprising experience recently. My hair was drenched, and as I touched it, sweat ran down like a stream. In 45 years of singing, I had never experienced something like this before.
I got up and felt my knees… my back…!
Yet, despite the physical strain, I kept going.
Why?
Because I didn’t want to miss this moment.
How It All Started
In March 2023, I was preparing for a recording of Open Concert when the entertainment director approached me. He told me about a new show featuring four female singers and asked me to join.
But I had long planned a pilgrimage to the Santiago Trail.
So, I declined.
To my surprise, they said they would wait for me.
And they did.
After 36 days of walking (missing just one), I returned to find cameras waiting for me at the airport. I was shocked.
Then I met producer JYP (Park Jin-young).
Without fully grasping what I was signing up for, I casually said,
"Sure, I’ll do it!"
But the more I learned, the more fear crept in.
Can I keep up?
Will I hold others back?
Am I going to be a burden?
Facing Fear
Despite my fears, I found happiness.
My fan base expanded.
Guess what age group my youngest fans belong to?
Five or six years old!
Even the way people call me has changed.
No more "Insooni Ajumma."
Now, they call me "Golden Girls."
Time seems to be flowing backward for me.
I never imagined that at this age, I’d become part of a girl group.
I’m known for my curiosity, but even I feel fear when taking the first step.
The fear is overwhelming sometimes.
But I take that step anyway.
Because this could be my last chance.
Opportunities don’t come back.
If I hesitate, I might miss out forever.
So, when I feel uncertain, I don’t overthink.
I just take the step.
Just Do It Now
If there’s something you want to do, do it now.
There will come a time when you can’t.
Why wait for that day?
Of course, my family worries about me.
My husband asks,
"Why do you keep getting yourself into things? Can’t you just stop?"
My daughter says,
"Mom, are you sure you can do this?"
But ultimately, the choice is mine.
And whatever happens, I’m the one responsible for it.
I need to experience both the struggles and the sweet rewards myself.
So, taking a step forward isn’t reckless.
I always check:
Can I still think clearly?
Does this make my heart race with excitement?
Do my knees still support me?
Then, I face my fears and take the step.
A Change in Perspective
Taking that step changes everything.
The view expands.
The fear that once paralyzed me?
I realize it might not have been real fear—just an excuse.
When I returned from Santiago, Golden Girls was still waiting for me.
It felt like fate.
But wow, being in a girl group is tough!
Funny thing—
I actually debuted in a girl group.
Some people don’t know that.
Back then, it was easy.
Now? Not so much.
Training Like an Idol
JYP is something else.
How did he even come up with this idea?
How does he manage four strong-headed women?
Surprisingly, he does.
He praises us a lot.
"Nuna, this was great, that was amazing!"
Then at the very end, he sneaks in,
"But nuna, this part… not quite right."
80% praise, 20% critique.
And just like that, we’re disarmed.
He’s a tough guy.
But he’s a genius.
The Reality of a Girl Group
When we had our first mission, Hype Boy, it wasn’t too bad.
Duet? Manageable.
But when all four of us came together—
The fun disappeared.
Unlike solo performances where we control the entire flow,
We had to listen to each other, adjust our volume, and match our emotions.
Oh, and dance.
And change positions.
Why do we need to switch spots anyway?
Why can’t we just stand still and sing?
And then, I’d get confused, bump into someone, forget the lyrics…
Even now, I struggle with one thing.
JYP says,
"Nuna, you’ve got it down. Now, make eye contact while singing."
"Got it!"
Then we lock eyes…
"Wait, did I mess up?"
That brief moment of panic—
And the song is already over.
Practicing Until Perfection
The only solution was practice.
For Goodbye Baby, we had to start lying on the floor.
We ran through it nonstop, 30 times.
After practice, my hair was dripping.
It was like water pouring from a faucet.
45 years of singing—never experienced this before.
But I felt exhilarated.
We completed 30 runs, ensuring no mistakes.
Then, when I stood up…
My knees! My back!
Despite the pain, the sense of accomplishment was beyond words.
Relearning Performance
JYP had to retrain me.
In my era, to be a superstar,
You had to open your mouth wide, show your uvula,
Make big facial expressions,
And move dramatically.
But JYP said,
"Don’t open your mouth so much."
"Keep your expressions soft."
"Move like this instead."
Everything was the opposite of what I had learned.
But I decided to trust him.
Times have changed.
And he’s a master of his craft.
Who else would dare critique me?
I’m a veteran.
But his feedback was a gift.
And that’s how I became part of a girl group.
The Thrill of Debut—Again
When I stepped on stage as Golden Girls,
It felt like my debut all over again.
Before stepping out, we stood in the dark,
Held hands, and said,
"Golden Girls, fighting!"
It gave me chills.
A deep sense of camaraderie.
We couldn’t afford to mess up.
We had to give it our all.
If I had let fear stop me,
Would I have ever felt this?
Take That Step
Taking the first step is the start of seeing what you truly want.
It’s about shifting your perspective.
When you decide to go check for yourself,
Suddenly, you’re moving.
Excitement comes from your mindset.
Some people make excuses.
Others prepare and get things done.
I’m still stepping into new challenges.
My Other Mission: Haemil School
You probably know about Haemil School.
As someone who struggled with identity in my youth,
I wanted to help kids who felt different.
That’s why I founded Haemil School.
It’s been over ten years now.
I even wrote a children’s book about embracing uniqueness.
Here’s a passage:
"Hanna, growing strong is important, but knowing who you are matters more."
The Meaning of My Shorts
You might have seen me wear short pants on stage.
At my concerts, I always ask,
"Can I still wear these next year?"
So today, let me ask you:
"Can I wear these next year too?"
Because one day, I won’t be able to.
But until then, I’ll keep stepping forward.
Because now is always the right time.